Tough Times

The other day one of my very good friends who reads my blog suggested that I should be more honest about the tough times.  You know - when my husband and I fight or have sexual tensions and things like that.

Well, my dear friend, I can't.  We don't fight.  We started dating almost 6 years ago and we don't fight.  We have problems and tenstions but we don't fight.  When one of us are sick we may go for a few days without sex but we don't fight about sex.

I don't know what to say except that as Late Breaking Gays I think we have fought with ourselves so much for so many years that it is finally time to relax and enjoy being together.

Birthdays and Dick Dancers

I had the most amazing birthday party.  It was my 60^th!  I had told my husband that all I wanted for my birthday was a party with our friends: A Great Big Gay Birthday Party.  And OMG did he ever come through.  The house looked great and there was wonderful food and more than enough adult beverages.  My husband made it into a wonderful evening.

Included in the plan was a little entertainment: a Dick Dancer.  We made arrangements with one of our favorite Dick Dancers and asked one of our friends to pick him up on his way to the party.  Alas it was not to be.  The dancer bailed at the last minute.

Now my party wasn’t intended to be an orgy.  But I wanted it to be really gay.  Not gay in a “rainbow flag” sort of way, but rather gay in a “we all love hot sexy men” sort of way.  So I was disappointed when our entertainment canceled at the last minute.  I am not trying to be 18 again, I just love being in the company of men.

But here is where it gets really awesome.  One of my friends at the party heard about the loss of our entertainment and he volunteered to fill in.  Now this young man is very good looking.  He is in his 30’s with thick dark hair, a good build and a great dick.   He came out of the bedroom dressed in my bathrobe and my partner’s hat.  He swayed and strutted to the music and slowly shed the robe to reveal a black thong.  Several of my friends who didn’t know him just assumed he was the scheduled entertainment.

I am very fortunate to have a wonderful partner and wonderful friends.  As a “Late Breaking Gay” I was really afraid that I would never have these kinds of experiences and friends let alone an amazing partner.  It is never too late to be true to yourself.

The Other Side

One of my favorite artists is David Gray.  Actually my husband introduced me to his music and it really touches me.

One of David Gray's songs that I love so much is "The Other Side".  There is a certain mysticism about it (as there is with many of his songs) - I feel like there is this promise of meeting your loved one again after this life.  I believe in that very much.  In fact I am very certain this is not the first life I have shared with my husband.

I do have one problem with his lyrics - I do know what love is - I have it - now.

I would like to have this sung for my husband at my funeral.

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side

Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention, was never my intention
To harm you or your kin, are you so scared to look within
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
We'll not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when it's gone
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
That trick ain't worth the time it buys
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is

Bridge Over Troubled Water

As a "Late Breaking Gay", when I was considering coming out and even after I came out  I was afraid I would never find love again.  Indeed I was afraid that I would never be able to give love or be loved.

I felt too mortal: closer to the end than to the beginning of my life. I felt like I had wasted my life and there was no more life to be had and no more life to give.

But I was wrong. I have found the love of my life and have never been happier than I am with my husband.

When I was a teenager Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water was a huge hit.  It is a classic that many people respond to even today. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" is the promise of being there.  My husband has truly been my "Bridge Over Troubled Water" and it has been wonderful.

I know that I can't promise to be there forever, but my spirit will always be there for the man that I love. 

I love you my husband - more than words can tell. 

When you're weary, feelin' small
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all
I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough, and friends just can't be found

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down

When you're down and out, when you're on the street
When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you
I'll take your part, oh when darkness comes, and pain is all around

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind

Sail on silver girl, sail on by
Your time has come to shine, and all your dreams will run their way
See how they shine, oh, if you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind

Extraordinary Ordinary

Tonight is the night before Christmas Eve and we sat in the den and read books and listened to Christmas music.

What strikes me as so extraordinary is that my gay life is so ordinary.

When I was in the closet I thought that life would be so different if I came out and that terrified me.

But here I am living in a four bedroom house on a corner lot in Ozzie and Harriet land and it is so ordinary.  I take the trash out, wash the dishes, and bitch about all the crap in the garage just like I did when I was married to a woman.  The difference is that now I am married to a man. 

A man that I love more than I have ever thought I could love anyone.

It is extraordinary that ordinary is so wonderful!

(OK so the sex is phenomenal but the rest is extraordinarily ordinary.)

Merry Christmas to all

Almost Christmas

It is three days before Christmas. 

For the last few years past Chirstmas has been hard for me.  I have mised my kids and grandkids and have felt guilty about being so far away from them.  Plus Christmas brings back so many memories of Christmas' past. 

But tonight our house is snug and warm and the presents are wraped and the decorations are out and it feels very good. 

I think it is a matter of building new traditions.  As I write this my husband is in the kitchen starting dinner and Christmas music is playing in the background.  It is a wonderful mixture of the parts of old traditions that I loved and building new ones with the man that I love.

Life is good!

Merry Christmas everyone.

Getting Ready

Getting ready is just part of daily routine.

Getting ready in the morning or getting ready to go out in the evening. It is just routine activities: shaving, showering, combing hair, brushing teeth. Just ordinary stuff. Routine things until you are in the presence of another man. I don't mean like in the locker room at the gym (though that is special in another way.) I mean just one-on-one with the man that you love, the man you sleep with.

When we get ready to go out I love being in the bathroom with HIM, jostling for position with HIM at the counter, (I love seeing HIM naked beside me and watching HIM in the mirror) It is all so ordinary: checking to see if I should leave the shower on for HIM. In those few minutes there is a unique intimacy. There is something special about HIS steam coming out of the shower and the way HE shaves (he is either naked or pulls HIS pajama bottoms way down on HIS hips.) Sometimes there is the scent of HIS cologne or the moments when HE stands so close that I can feel the heat from HIS handsome body.

If we are going out in the evening we often stand in the closet and talk about what we will wear. Again it is a small thing but it is amazing to be so intimate as to pick out each others clothing (yes even sometimes underwear.)

Sometimes he is getting ready without me and I am at my desk and I will look over and see him naked, framed by the door to the bathroom. It is an image that should be in a painting.

As a late breaking gay (LBG) I have to say that all that time in the closet I never dreamt that I would have the joy of being with a man in such a loving and caring and sexy relationship that just brushing teeth together is pretty damn hot.