Biblically Gay

 

I  have been told that the bible contains

six (6) admonishments

to  

homosexuals

 
 

and

362 to heterosexuals.

 

 

This does not mean that

 

God does not love

 

heterosexuals,

 

it just means they need more supervision.

Temperamentals

When I first came out, as a LBG "Late Breaking Gay" I was scared. I had only the most negative sense of what it meant to be gay. But as I "mature" in my gayness I discover that there is a wonderful community and even a rich history.

Last night I tapped into that history and community. Our church, the Cathedral of Hope, sponsored a fundraiser at a local production of "The Temperamentals". I loved it!

I am amazed by the bravery of the men that were depicted by this wonderful and funny play. It is set in the 1950's when America was hunting down communists and gays. In that day “temperamental” was code for “homosexual”, part of a created language of secret words that gay men used to communicate. The play tells the story of two men – the communist Harry Hay and the Viennese refugee and designer Rudi Gernreich – as they fall in love while building the first gay rights organization in the pre-Stonewall United States.

The play helped me find part of the history of the new life that I have adopted. Being gay isn't just my experience it is the lives and struggles of generations of gays before me. I am the lucky one. I stand on their shoulders and the view is great up here.

Family of Choice

Family shit happens. I think this is particularly so for a LBG (Late Breaking Gay). We all knew that the shit was going to hit the fan when we came out of the closet. Someone or several someones in your family will get upset. Someone is going to be unhappy or hurt or critical or try to fix you or at the very least, someone is not going to understand.

People's reaction after you come out isn’t forever and I am not suggesting that you need to abandon any hopes of having family after you came out but sometimes people just don’t deal well with a married man coming out.

For a teenager who is coming out this can be a terrifying time and is often dealt with very badly by one or more of their parents. Of course LBG’s (late breaking gays) are grownups and hopefully can better deal with that kind of rejection. Besides, we normally have a long time to worry about how everyone is going to react. We may even find that most folks reaction isn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. But some will react badly.

Just as an example and the event that precipitated this particular blog: my brother called me last night. It was the first time I had talked to him in twenty years. I don’t know why he didn’t talk to me all that time and I don’t know why he called this time. I have tried to contact him before and then I gave up.

We weren’t close when we were little. He was two years older than me and bigger than me and he liked to beat up on me. But when we grew up and got married and had kids our families would get together and we got along fairly well. But then I moved my family to Minnesota and he moved his family to Texas and then he was divorced and then he just dropped off of the face of the earth. He didn’t stay in touch with his kids or anyone else in the family.

Now I have always speculated that he and I were both molested when we were kids and he just reacted differently than I did. I may never know. But I am sharing all of this because we need family and sometimes as gays, especially LBGs (Late Breaking Gays) we may need to turn to “family of choice.”

I think this is imperative for a LBG (Late Breaking Gays). We need family, oh we may be burned out and maybe we just need some alone time. Maybe we need time with that new special someone but we also need family.

Families love unconditionally. Family accepts us warts and all. Family is there when we need help.

So it may be that your new “family of choice” is friends from the neighborhood or church friends or your partner or a mixture, but you need them.

Take the time to find your familty of choice and cultivate them and make them real family.

You deserve it buddy.

The "Gay Lifestyle"

One of the things that was most intimidating about coming out was the "Gay Lifestyle." If I came out was I going to have to wear tight jeans and open silk shirts. I am in my 50's! That is most likely not going to be a good idea! And if I didn't - if I still dressed like a middle age straight guy, how would other "gays" know that I was one of them?

Well, as I learned, most of the time being gay isn't much different than being straight. I mean really - say you have sex every night for two hours (no I don't - maybe an average of an hour a day). That is what less than 10% of your day. OK lets not count sleeping - it is still less than 20%. And that is pretty much behind closed doors.

We live in a nice sleepy suburb of Dallas in a wonderful "Ozzie and Harriet" circa 1960's house on a corner lot with big trees. Our neighbors know we are gay and they are nice to us. We mow the yard and rake the leaves and we don't wear short shorts when we do it. Not to much different than being straight.

We go to the Tom Thumb every Saturday and the clerks know us and have figured out that we are partners and they ask about the other if one of us isn't there. Not too much different than being straight.

We go to church every Sunday morning and sing in the choir (more about that in another post). We go to the mall, we take our pets to the vet, we go to the movie - it is all so normal - no problem with gay life style!

Now - I know that there are problems out there - serious problems - and we have been lucky. What I am saying is that I was afraid that I would have to get all flamboyant to be "a gay" and that is not the case at all. I am very "Gay" when appropriate - very closted at work (more about that in another post) - but it is all me - most of the time I am not trying to hide anything -

Life is good :)