Religious Guilt for Late Breaking Gays

I was a Southern Baptist preacher.

My husband was in Catholic Seminarian.

Guess what?  We both dealt with guilt.

I know that is a shock.

But after we came out - we got past the guilt.

Think of the people who have stayed in the closet way too long - they feel guilty and horrible.  They feel like monsters.  They feel perverse.

Come out - come out wherever you are - you will feel better.

Coming Out at Fifty - Ten Years Later

So what was I expecting exactly?

Honestly when I came out at fifty I thought that
I was ruining my life.  I thought that I was making the biggest mistake of my life.  I was sure that I was too old to come out.  I figured that I would never have a date with a man, let alone have gay sex.  It never occurred to me, NEVER, that I could be in a loving stable relationship with a wonderful caring, sexy, handsome husband.
Now, ten years later I am happier than I have been in my life.

My friend, if you are reading this from your "closet" I can tell you, life is going to be all right.  Be a LBG (Late-Breaking-Gay).  If you are able to unlock the door and walk away one last time you will survive.

You will be happy.
You will feel free.
You will find new reasons to live.
You will sleep better.
You will know you are honest.

Coming out of the closet will not fix everything but you won't be as worried about everything else.

Gay Church

I was raised Presbyterian and then married into the Southern Baptist Church.

Talk about a guilt trip!

In truth when I got married at 20 years old I was trying to get as far away from my gay impulses as possible. Both getting married and being a Southern Baptist was an attempt to cleanse myself of my "evil" impulses. I hoped that if I could just focus on being hetro and focus on being a good Christian then all those impulses would go away. Of course they didn't.

Towards the end - early in my 50's - I tried to talk to my pastor about my struggle with gay feelings. They prayed for me and then never talked to me again. They couldn't deal with it. That didn't help me deal with it.

When I came out I pretty much figured I was going to leave religion behind. Certainly religion had left me behind. When you come out you are ready to leave a lot of things behind - and I was willing to leave religion behind - but to my surprise I didn't have to - others had been down this road before.

When I moved to Dallas I searched for gay support groups - I didn't know how to be gay and I needed help. One of the "groups" I found was Cathedral of Hope. (http://www.cathedralofhope.com ) It is the largest gay church in the world.

I was hesitant to go to Cathedral of Hope because I had really written of that part of my life but I thought I would at least give it a quick look. I was hooked from the first time I went. Hundreds of gay men!

OK that by itself would keep a gay man interested but it was the message from the pulpit that ultimately kept me coming back. Over and over again it is made clear that God love everyone: straight, gay, bi-sexual, transsexual, God loves us all.

I am not going to preach or get evangelical here - I just want to share that I found acceptance in an area of my life that had been important in my life before I was gay.

It gets back to something more basic about coming out. Life isn't as different as I thought it would be.

The reality it that I am still just me - just without the guilt.

That is a very good thing.