I Won't Go Back - Only Forward

 

The family reunion was held in the same small town where my wife and my two children lived thirty years ago.  

One of the things that my kids wanted to do while we were there was to drive by the house that we lived in when they were little.  

I didn't volunteer to take them by the house.  They went to look at the house by themselves.  It wasn't that anything bad happened there.  In fact those were good days.  I guess I just didn't want to go back to those days - I have moved forward and I want to keep moving forward.

As a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) I have made a decision to accept myself.  In the process I have learned to forgive myself for living a lie in the past.  I can not pretend that lying was right and so I can't pretend to my children that I was perfect.   So I won't go back - only forward.  

Explaining it to the Kids

Explaining that you are gay or a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) to your children may

seem like the hardest part - and it will be hard - but kids aren't as stupid as we give them credit for.  Especially today's kids.

As a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) I was all concerned about telling my kids - they took it pretty well and certainly my husband's kids took it extremely well. But turn it around, a good friend of mine at work came to me this week to tell me that her 22 year old daughter is dating a girl.  

We get all caught up in what other people might think (and certainly some people have a negative reaction) but it is more important to find yourself and to be true to yourself than to try to force yourself to be something that you are not.  That is true even if you are trying to be what your kids think you are.  You will eventually break under the strain.  

Tell them the truth!

So Which One of You is the Girl?

The night that we got married in Hawaii we met a few friends at the bar at the beach.   One of them asked "So which one of you is the girl?'

While I am out at work I don't make a huge thing of it and the person who asked the question works for the same company but in a different office in my town so I haven't had all that much contact with her.

Besides that as a LBG "Late Breaking Gay" I am still not use to that kind of question.  I know that straight folk are becoming fairly accepting but that doesn't mean they understand.

And of course there are all kinds of way to be gay.  That is something I kind of clung to when I was struggling with coming out.  I would tell myself that I wasn't "very" gay.  There are some gays that are pretty feminine.  But if you are struggling with coming out like I was and it scares you that you might have to take on a certain "role" when you come out - forget it.

When you come out you will be who you are right now.  And if you want to be something different that is ok.  I wear tighter jeans now - I unbutton more buttons on my shirt than I use to - I wear more jewelry - my underwear  is sure as hell a lot hotter than when I was in the closet (and I have a lot more of it) but I am still the same person.

And as for my role in sex: I am a "creative-versatile-top."  There are all kinds of labels: Top, Bottom, Versatile, Fem, Butch, Twink - I could go on - there are a thousand shades of gay.

But as I told my friend on the beach in Hawaii - "You don't get it!  We are both masculine!"  That is just it, being gay doesn't mean you aren't a man - it just means you like men.