Gay Theatre

This isn't about pole dancers - maybe I will go there in some other blog
 - this is about two wonderful gay themed thearter events that we have recently attended. The first one was "Before Night Falls" a world preimer opera in Fort Worth. The second one was a play called "Corpus Christy" in Dallas at the Cathedral of Hope.

I won't try to write a review (except to say I love them) or even tell you the plots etc. If you are intetrested in such I recommend http://www.theaterjones.com/ - a great source for reviews etc. I am writing this to once again observe my shock at how accepting the world is of things gay.

Before Night Falls was pretty main stream but Corpus Christy couldn't get produced in Texas till the Cathedral of Hope offered its space. Even at that there were police outside incase there were protests. There weren't any but just in case.

As a LBG (late breaking gay) I am amazed and pleased that it is so easy to be gay. Now I know it hasn't always been and isn't all places and times and we are careful about that. But certianly I shouldn't have stayed in the closet as long as I did.

The Parent's Chairs

Yesterday there was a family party, and I got to sit in the Parent's Chairs.

It was my partner's son-in-law's 30th birthday. His wife (my partner's daughter in case you aren't following yet) threw a surprise birthday party for him. My partner and I hauled the barbecue grill she bought him from HomeDepot and we hauled in chairs and table etc. You know the routine.

What struck me was how normal it all seemed. If you have been reading my blogs you know that I am often struck by how normal my life is. When I was in the closet I was afraid that coming out would ruin my life. Well, to my surprise, coming out has perfected my life.

So now, at the family party, I sit in the Parent's Chairs. You know the chairs, the row of chairs set way back out on the lawn in the deep shade. Close enough to still be a part of every thing but far enough away from the kids at play so as to not be pestered.

As I grew up I never saw my self being relegated to the role of elder, but yesterday it didn't feel like I was being pushed to one side, it felt like I was being respected. And as a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) I was surprised. It wasn't that I stayed in the closet because I was afraid I would never be promoted to the "Parent's Chairs" but now that I am, it feels good to be "normal".

Matching Pearls

My partner and I got invited to a wedding a couple of weeks ago. Of course it is always nice to be invited to a party. But honestly I have never really enjoyed being a guest at a wedding.

For one thing I am a guy - a gay guy but somethings are the same no matter what team you bat for. Weddings are, and this is a fact, for the bride not the groom. It is the little girl who dreams of what her wedding will be like, not the little boy. OK - maybe some gay boys but not me.

That being said I had a wedding when I was twenty years old. It was suppose to be a church wedding but my folks didn't approve so we eloped and got married in a friends living room with a total of three people in attendance. For more than three decades I celebrated that wedding. Yet every time I would attend a wedding a part of me was struggling. As those vows were taken I was of course examining my own vows. It wasn't always pretty.

So to this day I am a sceptic at a wedding. Statistically 50% of all weddings end in divorce. As LBGs (Late Breaking Gays) my partner and I have both been divorced. Certainly we could ask :Why would anyone want to get married?" Of course the answer is Love!

When my partner and I got married (the one wedding I felt completely right at) we did it so that our friends and family knew how much we loved each other. Other than that nothing explains getting married.

When my partner told me about the invitation to the wedding I was a little conflicted. The happy couple was the daughter and fiance of his assistant at work. I had never met any of them and my partner is not out at work and I didn't want to get him outed at work.

Despite that I love to be with him and so, being as we are gay, three weeks before the happy event we stood in the closet to pick out our outfits. We choose light color suits for a summer wedding and on we went to what color shirts and ties we would wear.

There in the closet it suddenly it occurred to me that we might be the token gays at the wedding. If that was the case how modern and inclusive of them.

We should have worn matching pearls.

But that isn't our thing.

Visitation Rights

I am for expanding gay rights.

We should not be treated as second class citizens.

I pay my taxes just like the next guy so I should have just as many rights.

And as a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) I am far more aware of the rights that I lost when I came out of the closet.

But, and call me inpatient if you want, the recent memo from President Obama giving same sex couples hospital visitation rights seems like an awfully small step.

Actually the memo is instructing hospitals to let everyone have anyone (same sex partner or whatever) they wanted visit or speak for their wishes when they can't. It wasn't primarily for gays but the gay community seems to have claimed it.

Don't get me wrong - it is a good thing - but I fear that the government may feel like they threw the gay community a bone and expect us to chew on it and be quite. I hope we stay loud and proud. We have a long way to go.

The X Got Remarried

My X wife got remarried.

That’s it. No drama, no trauma.

My X didn’t tell me. My kids didn’t tell me. My Mother told me almost in passing. She saw her picture on Facebook holding a bouquet with a new last name.

It is a non-event.

And yet – somehow I felt bad. Maybe guilty that I wasn’t who I thought I was or who I promised that I would be.

I should be glad that she has found happiness and stability after what I did to her life. And I am. Yet – it makes the pain of walking away from that life – even though it was a lie of a life – it makes the pain fresh again.

I love my new life – but as a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) I must say that more than 30 years in the closet are very hard on a person. Coming out, as they say “better late than never”, is the best thing that a person can do for themselves. But being a LBG (Late Breaking Gay) isn't for sissy's. OK - too cute. But seriously coming out late in life can most certainly leave some deep scars.

But the scars will heal in the sunshine of honesty about self and the fresh air that isn’t poisoned by lies.

Family of Choice

Family shit happens. I think this is particularly so for a LBG (Late Breaking Gay). We all knew that the shit was going to hit the fan when we came out of the closet. Someone or several someones in your family will get upset. Someone is going to be unhappy or hurt or critical or try to fix you or at the very least, someone is not going to understand.

People's reaction after you come out isn’t forever and I am not suggesting that you need to abandon any hopes of having family after you came out but sometimes people just don’t deal well with a married man coming out.

For a teenager who is coming out this can be a terrifying time and is often dealt with very badly by one or more of their parents. Of course LBG’s (late breaking gays) are grownups and hopefully can better deal with that kind of rejection. Besides, we normally have a long time to worry about how everyone is going to react. We may even find that most folks reaction isn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. But some will react badly.

Just as an example and the event that precipitated this particular blog: my brother called me last night. It was the first time I had talked to him in twenty years. I don’t know why he didn’t talk to me all that time and I don’t know why he called this time. I have tried to contact him before and then I gave up.

We weren’t close when we were little. He was two years older than me and bigger than me and he liked to beat up on me. But when we grew up and got married and had kids our families would get together and we got along fairly well. But then I moved my family to Minnesota and he moved his family to Texas and then he was divorced and then he just dropped off of the face of the earth. He didn’t stay in touch with his kids or anyone else in the family.

Now I have always speculated that he and I were both molested when we were kids and he just reacted differently than I did. I may never know. But I am sharing all of this because we need family and sometimes as gays, especially LBGs (Late Breaking Gays) we may need to turn to “family of choice.”

I think this is imperative for a LBG (Late Breaking Gays). We need family, oh we may be burned out and maybe we just need some alone time. Maybe we need time with that new special someone but we also need family.

Families love unconditionally. Family accepts us warts and all. Family is there when we need help.

So it may be that your new “family of choice” is friends from the neighborhood or church friends or your partner or a mixture, but you need them.

Take the time to find your familty of choice and cultivate them and make them real family.

You deserve it buddy.

Legal Considerations for Late Breaking Gays

Yes, as a LBG (late breaking gay) there are a few things that you need to talk to a lawyer about. This will cost you a little but you need to get this stuff done.

And here is why:

1) You need to cut the x-wife out of the will if you die,

2) you need to not be a burden on your kids if you get sick and can't speak for yourself, and

3) you need to make that relationship with your new partner as legal as the current law will allow.

Now number 3 may have to wait till you do have a partner but number 1 and 2 can't wait. Just do it.

Remember that no matter how committed you and your partner are, the law considers you perfect strangers. At risk of sounding like your Mother "you could get hit by a truck." Without this paperwork that person that you love so much is going to go through an even worse nightmare if you do get hit by that proverbial truck.

He will not be able to speak for you or handle your finances or even make a single decision about your care or even your burial. All of that stuff was automatic when you were married. None of those rights exist when it is two men or two women in a relationship.

So, put it all down in writting and you get a lot of those rights back. Here is nutshell are the things that you need to get done.

1) New Will - pretty straight forward, you take what you have after you gave up everything in the divorce and you leave it to your kids and/or partner.

2) Durable Power of Attorney - this gives someone (your partner or if you aren't there yet I suggest the one kid that is still talking to you) the ability to speak on your behalf regarding just about anything other than medical issues when you can't because of illness. This enables your designee to pay your bills, taxes etc. You give them specific directions on broad guidelines but they have to follow them. You may be more in charge than you ever where before in your life.

3) Medical Power of Attorney - yes this tells that special someone that he or she has the power to pull the plug. Nothing says I love you like a Medical Power of Attorney.

4) Advance Directive - this spells out what the designee under the Medical Power of Attorney should do and when. It keeps you in charge to the end and keeps the end from being strung out.

5)Declaration of Guardian - allows you to determine in advance who will be your legal guardian if you should ever need one.

6) HIPAA Release - the federal law known as HIPAA keeps your medical information private. You need this release to allow any medical practitioner to discuss your medical condition with your partner.

7) Appointment of Agent to Control Disposition of Remains - yep - just like it sounds.

Don't try to do this on line. I know there are ads for this right here on this page but you need to get a good gay lawyer, not a straight lawyer, and discuss what you want.

When the attorney has the paper work done invite some friends over for dinner to be the legal witnesses. Break out the good china and a good bottle of wine and make it a ceremoney. After all you are gay.

Afterwards you need copies for you, your partner, for your attorney. Next scan everything as a pdf and put it on a thumb drive and put it on your key chain.

But just do it! Now!