Friday, February 5, 2010

Mixed Signals

The left turn blinker has been on for the last ten miles.

You have been there - they are going just below the posted speed limit on a curvy two land country road. Driving behind them is infuriating. You just wanted them to do something, anything, just get out of your way. But mile after mile they travel, oblivious to the mixed signals that they are sending to everyone around them.

Being a LBG (late breaking gay) is kind of like that.

You go down the road of life giving mixed signals and you don’t even realize it. When you finally make that long delayed left turn it is a relief for many people who were traveling with you.

For me it was my Mother who said “Duh!”

For my partner it was his kids who said "Duh!"

But it wasn't just me giving mixed signals. Before I came out it seemed like I was getting mixed signals. I enjoyed sex with my wife (maybe I was determined to enjoy it). But I also enjoyed checking out good looking men and later chatting on line with men and then finally playing with men.

In my brain, all of the signals were getting mixed up. Man it is a wonder that
I survived.

It took a long time and I was changing - becoming more and more aware of my interest, even passion for men. But during that transition period it was all mixed signals.

I was flashing my left blinker but just kept on moving straight ahead.

For everyone's sake, including mine, I am glad I finally made that long awaited left turn.

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