"Ding-Dong! DOMA Is Dead"

Once there was a wicked law
In the lovely land of Oz
And a wicked old, wicked old, wicked old law that never ever was
It filled the folks in munchkin land
With terror and with dread
'Till one fine day from Kansas
A house fell on its head
And the court pronounced it dead
And through the town the joyous news went running
The joyous news that the wicked old law
Was finally done in

Ding-dong! DOMA is dead.

‒ Which old law?
‒ Well, uh,.. the DOMA law!
‒ Oh.

Ding-dong! The wicked law is dead.
Oh yeah, happy day
Wake up you sleepy head,
Rub your eyes, and get out of that bed.
Wake up, the wicked law is dead.

It's gone where the goblins go,
Below, below, below. Yo-ho
Let's open up and sing and ring those bells out.
Sing the news out.

Ding-dong, the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know the wicked old DOMA is dead!
Why everyone's glad,
It took such a crowning
Bein' hit by a house is even worse than drowning
Let 'em know the wicked old law is dead!

Figuring It Out

When I was in the closet I was by most counts a pretty conservative guy.  Married to a good woman, two children, house in the suburbs, a dog and two cars in the garage.  I went to church, I didn't drink, smoke or use drugs.  I was miserable!

Now I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, between us we have five children and five grandchildren, we have a house in the suburbs, a dog, two cats and a 27 year old child living with us. I go to church. I am happier than I could ever imagine.

What changed?  I acknowledged that I was gay!

By all standard societal measures my life wasn't pretty good.

As a LBG(Late Breaking Gay) I am glad I figured out life before I was too old to enjoy it.

Birthdays and Dick Dancers

I had the most amazing birthday party.  It was my 60^th!  I had told my husband that all I wanted for my birthday was a party with our friends: A Great Big Gay Birthday Party.  And OMG did he ever come through.  The house looked great and there was wonderful food and more than enough adult beverages.  My husband made it into a wonderful evening.

Included in the plan was a little entertainment: a Dick Dancer.  We made arrangements with one of our favorite Dick Dancers and asked one of our friends to pick him up on his way to the party.  Alas it was not to be.  The dancer bailed at the last minute.

Now my party wasn’t intended to be an orgy.  But I wanted it to be really gay.  Not gay in a “rainbow flag” sort of way, but rather gay in a “we all love hot sexy men” sort of way.  So I was disappointed when our entertainment canceled at the last minute.  I am not trying to be 18 again, I just love being in the company of men.

But here is where it gets really awesome.  One of my friends at the party heard about the loss of our entertainment and he volunteered to fill in.  Now this young man is very good looking.  He is in his 30’s with thick dark hair, a good build and a great dick.   He came out of the bedroom dressed in my bathrobe and my partner’s hat.  He swayed and strutted to the music and slowly shed the robe to reveal a black thong.  Several of my friends who didn’t know him just assumed he was the scheduled entertainment.

I am very fortunate to have a wonderful partner and wonderful friends.  As a “Late Breaking Gay” I was really afraid that I would never have these kinds of experiences and friends let alone an amazing partner.  It is never too late to be true to yourself.

Extraordinary Ordinary

Tonight is the night before Christmas Eve and we sat in the den and read books and listened to Christmas music.

What strikes me as so extraordinary is that my gay life is so ordinary.

When I was in the closet I thought that life would be so different if I came out and that terrified me.

But here I am living in a four bedroom house on a corner lot in Ozzie and Harriet land and it is so ordinary.  I take the trash out, wash the dishes, and bitch about all the crap in the garage just like I did when I was married to a woman.  The difference is that now I am married to a man. 

A man that I love more than I have ever thought I could love anyone.

It is extraordinary that ordinary is so wonderful!

(OK so the sex is phenomenal but the rest is extraordinarily ordinary.)

Merry Christmas to all

Family of Choice

Family shit happens. I think this is particularly so for a LBG (Late Breaking Gay). We all knew that the shit was going to hit the fan when we came out of the closet. Someone or several someones in your family will get upset. Someone is going to be unhappy or hurt or critical or try to fix you or at the very least, someone is not going to understand.

People's reaction after you come out isn’t forever and I am not suggesting that you need to abandon any hopes of having family after you came out but sometimes people just don’t deal well with a married man coming out.

For a teenager who is coming out this can be a terrifying time and is often dealt with very badly by one or more of their parents. Of course LBG’s (late breaking gays) are grownups and hopefully can better deal with that kind of rejection. Besides, we normally have a long time to worry about how everyone is going to react. We may even find that most folks reaction isn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be. But some will react badly.

Just as an example and the event that precipitated this particular blog: my brother called me last night. It was the first time I had talked to him in twenty years. I don’t know why he didn’t talk to me all that time and I don’t know why he called this time. I have tried to contact him before and then I gave up.

We weren’t close when we were little. He was two years older than me and bigger than me and he liked to beat up on me. But when we grew up and got married and had kids our families would get together and we got along fairly well. But then I moved my family to Minnesota and he moved his family to Texas and then he was divorced and then he just dropped off of the face of the earth. He didn’t stay in touch with his kids or anyone else in the family.

Now I have always speculated that he and I were both molested when we were kids and he just reacted differently than I did. I may never know. But I am sharing all of this because we need family and sometimes as gays, especially LBGs (Late Breaking Gays) we may need to turn to “family of choice.”

I think this is imperative for a LBG (Late Breaking Gays). We need family, oh we may be burned out and maybe we just need some alone time. Maybe we need time with that new special someone but we also need family.

Families love unconditionally. Family accepts us warts and all. Family is there when we need help.

So it may be that your new “family of choice” is friends from the neighborhood or church friends or your partner or a mixture, but you need them.

Take the time to find your familty of choice and cultivate them and make them real family.

You deserve it buddy.