What would your perfect lover be like? How would you know your perfect lover if you met him on the street? What would he look like? Sound like? Smell like? Taste like? Feel like?
Of course you wouldn’t know him if you haven’t met him yet. But once you know him you would recognize him anywhere. You would recognize him from the curve of his ass as he walks down the street or the sound of his laughter in a crowded room.
Your perfect lover starts out as a perfect stranger. The road between stranger and lover can be short or long, simple or complex. But it is a road of discovery. You discover things about your lover but perhaps most importantly you discover things about yourself. It is that discovering that is the process of not just finding your perfect lover but really becoming his perfect lover.
Finding your perfect lover is really becoming the perfect lover. It is finding in yourself, and in your lover, those places that fit together perfectly. When you find those places you celebrate them and you cultivate them.
My lover calls it “complementary skills.” You and your lover discover those skills in each other and you use them and draw on them to please each other. You and your lover grow closer and closer until your lives and your love are really one. You discover where he loves to be touched and you learn to love to touch him there. You do this because it brings him joy. All the while your lover is doing the same for you.
That is how you find your perfect lover: you become a perfect lover yourself.
Of course we are never perfect. Thankfully, love pushes us to strive for perfection.