Last weekend we went to a wonderful get together out of state. There we met a couple of dozen of gay and bi men from all over the country. I was going to write a terribly detailed (blow by blow) account of the weekend. But in the end I came away with something far more valuable. I was reminded that we all come to this point in our lives via many different paths and that we express our sexuality in diverse ways.
One guy told me that he knew he was gay at birth. He says that when the doctor slapped him on the ass he said "I like that! do it again!" He has been with his current partner for more than 15 years.
Another guy says that he isn't out and has no intention of ever coming out. This is a guy in his 60's. He isn't married and has been very successful in business. He has a active sexual life when he wants it but when he is home he is closeted.
Some of the guys were a little effeminate but most were just average guys. If you met any of them going down the street there would have been little to set off the gaydar.
Despite the stereotypes, just as there is no universal way for gays to dress or talk or walk, there is now universal way to discover you are gay or to express being gay. I have met gay men and bisexual men that don't have sex with other men. They don't need it. Just because they are attracted to men physically doesn't require them to have sex with them. Now that one does puzzle me but I respect it.
I use to subscribe to the Kinsian continuum theory that we all fall somewhere along a line between straight and gay. I have learned that life and sexuality is way to rich and complex to get stereotyped.
I do believe that you need to know yourself and that when you know yourself, you will be happier when you are honest with the rest of the world. But I 'm not sure that means that you should pin yourself down to a particular definition or label of your sexuality.
Good grief if every snowflake is different and no two people in the world have the same list of music on their IPod, then why should our sex lives be any less diverse and rich.